Becoming parents is a beautiful, life-changing experience — but honestly, it’s also a massive shift in your marriage.
Between sleep deprivation, endless snack requests, and all the invisible labor that comes with parenting, the connection with your spouse can easily take a back seat.
But here’s the thing — if you want to strengthen marriage after kids, you can’t just hope for it to happen.
It takes intention, creativity, and a whole lot of grace (for both of you).
So, here are 25 ways to Strengthen Marriage after Kids, broken into categories to make it easier to find what your relationship needs most right now!
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Strengthen Marriage through Everyday Connection
1. Daily Check-Ins
You don’t need long, romantic conversations every night, but checking in with each other daily is essential. Ask each other how your day really was — not just the surface-level stuff. Even a 5-minute “how are you feeling today?” can make a difference.
At dinner every night we ask each other, “What was your favorite part of the day?” and “What are you grateful for today?” It’s a way to connect with your partner when you’ve spent most of the day apart.
It also helps you search your mind for the good stuff that happened that day!
2. Meaningful Goodbye and Hello Rituals
When one of you leaves for work (or even just a quick errand), take an intentional moment to connect — a kiss, a hug, a quick “I appreciate you.” It sets the tone for your day and strengthens the marriage in small but powerful ways.
If one of us leaves the house, the other takes the kids and we “watch you leave” – where we stand in the doorway and wave goodbye until the car is out of sight.
My husband will do silly things like pretend to push the car out of the driveway, or hide behind things in the garage and pop out and wave to the kids if we’re the ones leaving.
It’s silly and simple, and we all look forward to these moments.
3. Flirty Texts During the Day
It’s so easy to slip into logistical texts only — “pick up milk,” “who’s getting the kids?” Sprinkling in some sugar & spice can be a welcome break to the monotony.
A “can’t wait to see you later”, a well placed emoji with an innuendo, or a silly inside joke keeps that spark alive.
Strengthen Marriage by Prioritizing Quality Time
4. Weekly Check-In Date
This isn’t a fancy dinner out (unless you want it to be). It’s 30 minutes (or however long you can swing) to sit together and talk about how you’re both feeling in your marriage, home life, and personal goals.
It strengthens marriage by making sure you’re always in tune, and gives you the opportunity to offer your spouse support where they may need it.
5. At-Home Date Nights
You don’t need a sitter to have quality time! Put the kids to bed and order takeout, play a board game, or even cook a fancy dessert together. It’s about prioritizing each other — even when you’re homebound.
Some nights, we’ll feed the kids early, get them to bed, and then come back downstairs to cook our own dinner. We can make teriyaki salmon with parmesan crusted zucchini and enjoy it without any comments from the peanut gallery about how “icky” it is.
6. Shared Hobby Time
What did you two love doing together before kids? Dust off those bikes, paintbrushes, or hiking boots.
Sharing something you both love strengthens your marriage by reconnecting you to who you were before you became “Mom and Dad.”
And this can be done even with your kids in tow! Quite literally… we tow our kids behind our eBikes! They love going for a ride, and we get to cruise around like used to.
Strengthen Marriage with Small Acts of Appreciation
7. Love Notes in Unexpected Places
Write a quick note and leave it in their lunchbox, wallet, or even on the bathroom mirror. Small surprises remind your spouse that you see them and value them.
8. Acts of Service
Sometimes love is unloading the dishwasher without being asked or handling bedtime so the other person can relax. When you both look for ways to make life easier for each other, you strengthen marriage daily.
The first time my husband offered to take the two little kids to go pick up the big kid from school, I was equal parts confused and grateful.
I had the (quiet) house to myself for a good 40 minutes! It was so refreshing, and I expressed how much I appreciated it so much, that now he’ll offer whenever he has the time.
9. Compliment Each Other — Often
It’s easy to focus on what’s not getting done. Instead, try intentionally complimenting your spouse every day — their parenting, work ethic, or even just how good they look in that hoodie. Appreciation builds connection.
If you want deepen this practice even more, add your spouse’s name. I know when I hear, “I appreciate you, Angie” it hits different.
Same goes with saying I love you! Add your spouse’s name and watch their face light up.
Strengthen Marriage through Intimacy (Emotional & Physical)
10. Non-Sexual Touch
Hold hands, give back rubs, or cuddle on the couch. Physical touch that’s not leading to sex strengthens your marriage by keeping that sense of safety and closeness alive.
11. Schedule Sex (Yep, Really)
I know — scheduling sex doesn’t sound sexy. But in the chaos of parenting, waiting for spontaneous moments can mean waiting forever. Scheduling means prioritizing intimacy.
And I don’t mean schedule it like, “Tuesday at 8pm – be ready!” (unless that works for you). You can schedule it by saying, “Before we start on chores tonight, or before we watch TV, let’s prioritize intimate time together”.
Maybe it leads to sex, maybe it doesn’t, but the intention is to be together – uninterrupted.
12. Deep Conversations Beyond Parenting
Your marriage isn’t just a co-parenting partnership. Ask each other big questions again — dreams, fears, bucket lists. Emotional intimacy is just as important as physical intimacy.
My husband and I have these Get Closer Cards and we read at least one every night. They help us to start conversations or bring up topics that maybe we’ve been avoiding. Which brings me to the next point:
Strengthen Marriage by Navigating Conflict Well
13. Conflict Check-Ins
Don’t wait until something blows up. Regularly ask, “Is there anything that you’d like to talk about?” Addressing small issues before they grow strengthens marriage resilience.
Make sure to set the intention of having this conversation with compassion and empathy – listen to truly understand, not just to respond.
14. Pause & Breathe During Arguments
Before you respond in the heat of the moment, pause and take a deep breath. Remind yourself — you’re on the same team. That mindset shift strengthens your marriage during tough moments.
When I find myself wanting to say something snarky to my husband, I pause and think of one thing that I really love about him. I ask myself, “Is this thought going to help the situation? Do I want to be the kind of person who intentionally hurts my spouse?” No, of course I don’t. So I don’t say the snarky thing.
You can pause until you can think of something else to say that will communicate your thoughts and help the conversation continue.
15. Apologize First (Even If You Don’t Want To)
Humility is a superpower in marriage. Owning your part — even a tiny part — after a conflict sets the tone for resolution and growth.
It will almost always give your partner permission to apologize for their part as well.
Strengthen Marriage by Supporting Each Other’s Growth
16. Celebrate Each Other’s Wins
Whether it’s a career milestone, fitness goal, or personal achievement, cheer each other on. When you see your spouse thriving, your whole marriage benefits.
Sometimes we’ll even celebrate days that the kids go to bed without a fight. Every little win counts!
17. Personal Growth = Marriage Growth
When you work on healing your own wounds and growing as a person, you show up better in your marriage. Don’t neglect your own journey — it strengthens marriage in the long run.
You can’t force someone else to grow, but you can lead the way by focusing on your own healing and showing them what’s possible.
18. Encourage Individual Passions
You love each other, but you’re not the same person. Encouraging each other’s solo hobbies and interests strengthens your marriage by respecting individuality.
Strengthen Marriage through Laughter & Fun
19. Inside Jokes Club
Create funny sayings, nicknames, or jokes only you two get. It’s like your own secret language — and it strengthens your marriage by keeping things lighthearted.
There are certain words or phrases that my husband and I use all the time – out in public grocery shopping or when we’re with friends. It doesn’t mean anything to anyone else, but it always gets a smile out of us and reminds us that we’re a team.
20. Seek Out Opportunities to Laugh
Laughter really is the best way to end your day. Find something that makes you both giggle like school kids and spend some time together doing that.
My husband and I both love stand-up comedy, so we’ll watch shorts of our favorites, or if we have time we’ll watch a comedy special on TV.
We also send each other funny memes or videos throughout the day.
21. Thoughtful Little Surprises
One sweet way to strengthen marriage — especially when life feels like a never-ending to-do list — is to surprise your spouse with small, thoughtful gifts for no reason at all.
I’m not talking about expensive presents (although if you’re feeling fancy, go for it!). I mean the kind of little treasures that say, “Hey, I saw this and thought of you.”
My husband often brings home my favorite snack from the grocery store, and I like to get him a new flavor of tea I know he’ll love.
If you travel — even if it’s just a work conference or a girls’ weekend — bringing home a tiny souvenir (think local coffee, a fridge magnet, or a silly keychain) keeps that “I’m thinking of you” energy alive.
These tiny surprises remind your spouse they’re on your mind even when you’re apart.
Strengthen Marriage by Reconnecting Spiritually
22. Gratitude Rituals Together
At the end of the day, share one thing you’re grateful for in each other. Gratitude strengthens your marriage by shifting focus from what’s wrong to what’s right.
We like to do this one at dinner time with the kids. When I’m feeling really ambitious I get out a journal and write down what everyone says. It’s fun to look back on months later and talk about all the fun things in life.
23. Couple’s Meditation or Prayer
Even just a minute or two of quiet time together can strengthen your marriage by creating shared calm in the chaos.
We like to listen to guided meditations together – especially if we’re having trouble falling asleep. I like the Insight Timer app, but there are also great options on YouTube!
24. Create a Family Mission Statement
What values do you want your marriage and family to stand for? Writing it down together is a bonding exercise — and it strengthens marriage by aligning your vision.
A fun way that we did this was to pick one word for each letter of our last name that defined our values and the way we want to live! My eventual goal is to make it into a graphic that I can print and frame for the wall.
25. Vision Board for Your Future
Dream together! Whether it’s vacations, home projects, or personal goals — visualizing your future strengthens your marriage by reminding you of your shared purpose.
We’ve been dreaming about having a backyard that’s more than just dirt for over a year now – and this week it’s becoming a reality! If we hadn’t known what we wanted and gone through different ideas and drawings ahead of time, we wouldn’t have been ready to start when a local company had an amazing deal going on.
Think about what you want your life to look like, and start talking about it now. Working towards a common goal is a great way to deepen your connection.
A Little Effort, A Lot of Love
Every season of marriage brings new challenges, especially after kids, but you are absolutely capable of keeping your connection strong.
The secret isn’t doing everything perfectly — it’s choosing each other over and over, even in the messy middle.
If you want more ideas, support, and encouragement on making motherhood (and marriage) a little easier and a lot more fun, connect with me on social media and stick around the blog — I’m cheering you on!
Xoxo, Angie
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- Manifestation for Moms: Aligning Your Mindset, Energy, and Actions
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- The Joy of Being All In: Mindful Playtime with Your Kids
- Mindful Communication in Marriage: How to Navigate Conflict with Love and Connection
- Creating a Mindful Morning Routine That Sets the Tone for Your Day
